Times Wattpad Authors Made Us Laugh
Let’s face it. Not all Wattpad authors have a good control over English. There may be times when what they write means something they don’t intend! Or maybe just typos that make it all the more hilarious. Here are some of the snippets we gathered from various Wattpad stories that are forehead-slap worthy. Story titles and author names are redacted to save face for the authors, but sources are legit.
1. They are not worth—what?
“I only fight them with words, not physically. I pity them, they don’t know who they are messing with. I’m tired with their pranks and those ‘offensive’ words but I chose not to fight them physically, they are not worth to see my combat skills.”
2. What in the world is "calvary"? Is it a new dish?
“I lost my dad two years ago in a fire incident and that made my life became a calvary. Aunt Abby and Ashley made my life miserable. They stopped treating me like a family. I became a squatter in my own house.”
As a background for non-Filipino readers: “My life became a calvary,” makes absolutely no sense unless the author is trying to say “naging kalbaryo ang buhay ko,” in Tagalog. Kalbaryo means something similar to burden/suffer. Not to mention the use of the word ‘squatter’ is not commonly used in the American context. It’s the Philippine term for a person living in the ‘squatter’s area,’ or, simply put, the slums.
And yes, the author is Filipino.
3. When it’z juzt too much.
“I WILL NOT TOLERATE [GRAMMAR COMPLAINS] NOT BECAUSE I CAN’T HANDLE CRITICISMZ IT IS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THE BOOK HAVE MANY MISTAKES AND NEEDS EDITING. I’M REALLY SORRY FOR THE MISTAKES AND I’LL EDIT THIS BOOK SOON SO EITHER YOU WAIT TO READ IT OR NOT READ IT UNTIL IT’S EDIT.”
Actually, it should be the opposite. An advice for Wattpad authors is to accept these criticisms from Grammar Nazis. Although, yes, it’s annoying, but they help point out the little bits that you missed. In fact, they’re like auto-editors. I sometimes rely on the comments for editing suggestions.
However, it is important to note that you can consider them, but don’t apply all of them. There are many changes that may be applicable and helpful, but not everything is necessarily correct. Trust me, these comments (although sometimes very annoying) can be helpful at times.
4. When it became so hot, you escaped the moaning and not the moaning escaped you.
“He suddenly cupped my br**st with his massive hand. Even if I’m still weaing a shirt and bra, I can feel his burning touch. It made me escape a moan, giving his tongue access to my mouth.”
5. When “manliness” mean something else.
“When I felt the tip of his manliness at the opening of my cave, I bit my lower lip so hard that it was already bleeding.
“‘Ugh!’ I cried when he forcely entered his manliness without any hesitation inside me.”
*sees a man naked* *looks at the thing* I never knew you were so manly!
6. When you're just too smart.
‘Lord Aeron stood up clapping his heads as he laughed madly. “Well done, Valeriana! Well done!” he yelled into the arena, so loud that even the girl heard him.’
Spot anything else amusing from the stories you’ve read? Comment below!